


Full Heart

by ImagineRedwood



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heartbreak, Makeup, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 14:35:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17061587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineRedwood/pseuds/ImagineRedwood
Summary: Request: "Imagine you and juice were together when he first moved to charming, when you get pregnant right when he becomes prospect for SOA knowing he wouldn’t join if you told him and knowing he always wanted to be a part of something you leave. Two years later Chibs spots you on a run to Oregon and you tell him everything and he convinces you to go to charming and introduce Juice to his son."





	1. Chapter 1

You looked down at the positive pregnancy test with wide eyes. Your suspicions for the last week were proven to be right and you were in fact pregnant. It wasn’t exactly how you were planning, or when, but there wasn’t much you could do about it now. You had just moved to this little town called Charming all the way over in California and you were finally starting to settle in. You’d been here about a month now and things were finally starting to feel like this could be home. Juice had gone out this morning to go look for a job and he’d been gone all day, just like the last 5 days.

He’d leave around 8 in the morning and sometimes wouldn’t come back until it was dark. He was searching desperately to get a job, any job. You’d picked up and left from New York in a hurry after he’d gotten into some trouble with some gang members he was partners with in drug dealing and now here you were. Juice wanted to lay low and stay together in a small rented house until he could get settled and provide for you and him. He said he wanted to go out and work while you got settled in and got the house together. Said he wanted you to get a feel for things before you went out to work if you wanted to but you knew a lot of it was to keep him busy and distracted.

You knew it was tough on him, having to leave his sister and mom behind but your safety and his was more important and he wasn’t going to stay in a place where people might come after you. Now you were in a tiny 2 bedroom with no pictures or personal belongings but you were safe with your man and that’s all that mattered, but now there was a baby involved and you were beyond scared.

You knew that Juice would want the baby, that wasn’t your fear. He’d always wanted a family. Your fear was that neither of you were ready. You were still young and you’d never even spoken about having kids. You sure as hell didn’t have the financial stability at the moment to bring a baby into the mix either. Regardless, you knew that you would figure it out, one way or another. You’d work two jobs and clean toilets if you had to but you wouldn’t let your child go without and you knew Juice would feel the same way. You knew you would make great parents.

You set down the test on the counter as you heard Juices bike in the driveway followed by the front door opening and Juice’s voice. 

“Babe?! Where you at? Come here!” 

You smiled as you heard his excitement and knew he must’ve found a job. You quickly ran out of the bathroom and out to the living room, finding him standing there with a huge smile. 

“I’ve got great news baby!” 

Your smile mirrored his and you nodded, bringing your hands to your face and clasping them in front of your mouth. 

“Me too.” 

“Well you go first.” 

“No no, you go.” Juice gave in and smiled wider, his eyes crinkling in the corners. 

“I got a job! And another job. Kinda.”

You nodded and grabbed his hand pulling him to come to sit with you on the floor where your couch would be when you bought one. 

“Where? Doing what?” 

“Well, the actual job is just a simple one at the library, doing IT and shit like that. They’ll let me do all the security and installing software. It won’t bring in a bunch of money but we can live with it until I can find something better. The other one is like,” 

he paused as he tried to explain it but his smile immediately came back to his face and you couldn’t help to smile along with him, loving the happiness you saw. It had been months since you’d seen him completely happy and it made you excited to find out what had been able to do that.

“It’s…there’s this group. They’re a motorcycle club, they’re called the Sons of Anarchy. I was coming out of the hospital from filling out an application for a secretary or something and one of their guys was coming out, his girl works there. His name is Jax, he’s the Vice President. He was asking about my bike and we started talking and he asked me if I wanted to prospect which is like where you go in and you do like an internship kinda thing for a year and then if they think that you’re good enough, you get in. And then you’re a Son. They have like this huge group of guys, they’re all like brothers. It’s like one big family.”

Your smile faltered a bit as you listened to him. You were happy that he was happy, of course, but it was the fact of what was making him so happy. He’d never had a family really. He never knew his dad, his mom was always working to provide for him and his sister was much older than him and left when he was still a kid. He had never been able to experience what it was to have a bunch of people that loved him and were always around, protecting him and letting him do the same for them, other than you. You’d been his only family for years now and while you knew he loved you with all his heart, you knew that he deserved more and his heart longed for something else along with you.

But you still smiled. You smiled as he went on and on about how cool everything sounded and how it would be a great opportunity for you and him to have a family and be safe. You hadn’t seen him this happy in months and while you wanted to be supportive, you couldn’t help but feel your anxiety over your current situation a lot more now. This was obviously really important to him and you wanted him to be happy, he deserved it, but you also knew it would end up becoming an ultimatum to him. Not that you were making it that, but that was how he would see it. He would see it as you and his baby needed him more and you knew he wouldn’t decide to join. You couldn’t do that. You couldn’t be the reason why he missed out on the one thing he’d wanted his whole life. You wouldn’t.

So you listened to him rant and rave about how excited he was and then he stopped abruptly. “What was it that you were going to tell me? You said you had news too.” 

You swallowed and tried to put on a happy smile. 

“Yeah, I found an ad for a couch and kitchen table. We can go check it out tomorrow or something.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Ok baby, I’ll be home by 6. Want me to bring home dinner?”

You smiled a fake smile and nodded. 

“Yeah babe, get whatever you want.” 

He smiled as well and wrapped his arms around you, his nose in your hair.

“I love you.” 

Your eyes watered at his words and you faked a yawn to use as an excuse. You were going to leave today while he was at work and the thought was killing you but you knew it had to be done. Juice needed this club and you knew he always put you as his first priority. Now with this baby, he most definitely would pass on the opportunity and you would never forgive yourself if you took that from him.

He pulled away and kissed your forehead, your arms still holding onto him. You looked up at him and kept eye contact. 

“I love you so much Juan. I’m so proud of you for doing this. Good luck today.”

His smile widened and his eyes crinkled up into slits. 

“Thank you babygirl. I’m really excited. Jax said he’ll try to call me today to talk some stuff out, I’ll let you know how it goes when I get home.” 

Nodding, you pressed your lips against his and left a very passionate kiss, trying to savor the feeling of his lips. You loved him more than anything on this earth and you needed to have that memory with you for when you left. The pain in your chest seemed to be consuming you and you pulled away, running a hand over his cheek before gently pushing him away. 

“Get to work.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sighed as you sat down in the motel bed. You’d driven for 8 hours, only stopping for food and bathroom breaks. You didn’t want to stop and risk turning around and going back home. You did break down 5 times when in the rest stop bathrooms though and the pain only got worse the further away you drove. You often wondered if you were making the right choice along the journey. Juice loved you immensely, you knew that, but you also knew that you couldn’t give him everything he deserved. You could have 6 of his children and it still wouldn’t fill that void he felt from wanting to belong. Of course, you and his children would love him but it was a different feeling knowing that other people loved you, especially when they don’t have to.

You knew that was a feeling that Juice wanted and you gave it to him. You were sure he would miss you. You knew doing this was going to hurt him and even though that was the last thing you ever wanted to do, to you this was what was best for him. That notion was what kept you driving. Laying back, you relaxed against the hard mattress and closed your swollen eyes. They stung and you could feel the tightness in your cheeks from the dried tears. This was the single hardest thing you’d ever had to face in your life and it hadn’t even been a full 24 hours. You knew things would only get harder from here and the thought absolutely terrified you.

Not wanting to think about it anymore, you kicked your shoes off and pulled the covers up over your body. You couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as you felt the space next to you cold and empty. It was an awful feeling and before long, your silent tears had turned into sobs. Your body shook and you hiccuped, the cries leaving your lips almost sounding like they weren’t even from a human. You weren’t sure how long you laid there crying but you didn’t wish the pain you were going through on anyone. You had the urge to call him, just to hear his voice one last time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Juice slumped against the wall, his cheeks wet with tears. He brought his hands up to his face, his busted knuckles swollen and bloody. Another wave of emotion hit and he slammed his fist into the floor, the pain in his hands nearly unnoticeable compared to the pain in his heart. He had never felt pain like this before in his life. He’d come home with pizza from your favorite place and had walked into an empty house. He’d called out for you and had gotten no answer. At first, he’d thought that you had just gone out but then he’d gone to the room and his world was flipped upside down. The room was a mess and your things were gone. Not all of them but a good amount and the 3 suitcases in the closet were gone as well.

He’d first been in shock. Then his next reaction was anger. He’d destroyed the room and most of the living room. Glass and broken furniture littered the house and his hands were equally as torn up as he pounded his fists into the walls viciously. Then the anguish had come and he’d cried harder than he had in his entire life. You were all he had and now you were gone. He didn’t understand why and that was what killed him the most. H'ed treated you like a queen. He’d loved you as much as he could, worshiped you. He’d done everything he possibly could to make you feel as loved and appreciated as he could and apparently, it hadn’t been enough.

So here he was, leaning against the wall, nothing but self-loathing coursing through his veins as he thought about how he wasn’t good enough to keep you. His phone rang somewhere off in the distance and he shot up, sprinting towards the sound. He found it on the counter by his keys and answered it immediately. His heart raced as he waited to hear you say that it was just one big misunderstanding and that you were coming back.

“Hey, it’s Jax.”

His heart dropped and he felt every ounce of hope drain away. As much as he wanted to hang up and just die, he knew that this club now was the only shot he had at having something and he knew he needed to answer. He’d lost you and if he ruined his chances of getting in this club by hanging up, he knew he would end up doing something stupid. 

“Hey.” 

“You alright man?” 

“Yeah, just allergies.” 

“Damn. Well listen, I talked to my guys and we want you to come by tomorrow. You’re prospecting for us.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Anthony baby, breakfast!” 

You finished pouring the milk over the cereal in the Captain America bowl as your son’s little feet could be heard pattering against the floor. He quickly rounded the corner, still a little wobbly on his feet and you squatted down with your arms open. He threw himself into your chest and you hugged him to you tightly, standing with him cradled to you.

You pulled out the chair at the table and sat him down in it before you leaned down and gave him a kiss. He grabbed a hold of the spoon and carefully brought up to his mouth. A couple drops of milk dripped off the spoon and onto the table. Smiling down at him, you watched as he slowly put the spoon back in the bowl to grab his napkin and clean up the mess before going back to eating.

You continued to watch him in awe of how you had created something so perfect. A lot of it was Juice. In fact, he looked exactly like Juice. He had the same brown hair, skin, and eyes, the same need to always clean up messes, the same loving and clingy personality. Whether it was getting affection or giving it, he loved making sure that you knew how good of mommy you were and that he loved being with you. He was a couple weeks from turning three and yet he would always make sure that you had enough blanket at night and would hold your hand if you couldn’t sleep, things that Juice always used to do.

It seemed like every day you would find more and more things that mirrored him in your son, facial expressions included. You’d left Juice and California as a whole 3 years ago and went to Oregon. You’d stayed there ever since and had never really thought about going anywhere else once you’d been able to establish yourself there. It hadn’t been easy though.

You’d worked two jobs, one as a waitress and one as a bartender, trying to earn as much money as you could. You’d stayed in a less than fancy motel in one of the seediest parts of town for about 3 weeks when you first got there, mainly because it was cheap. You’d been using the money you brought with you to cover the motel costs and saved the rest and eventually found a very small, very run down apartment. Again, because it was cheap.

You knew you needed to have a decent place for the baby when you had him and it needed to be in a safe area so you’d worked your ass off, only spending money when absolutely necessary so that you had more saved up. Your education and circumstance had caught the attention of a regular customer at the diner and she’d told you to drop by her hospital, she’d try to get you any job she could. You ended up getting a job as a secretary in the hospital and while you weren’t flooded with money, you were definitely making more than just being a waitress. Balancing the two jobs had been rough but you did what you had to make sure that your son had a good life.

Anthony and your job were your only focuses really. You had no family and only a handful of friends. You had stayed single, never really having the time for men. Sure, you got lonely sometimes and wouldn’t mind having someone around but Anthony was your main concern and you were more than ok with it being just the two of you. You missed Juice though, with everything in you. You’d thought that maybe after 3 years it wouldn’t hurt so bad when you thought about him but it did. Even after all this time, it still could bring tears to your eyes when you thought about him and what you had done.

It put you at ease though when you thought about why you’d left. Now he had a family, a whole group of people to love him. He had what he’d always wanted and that was usually enough to right your sour mood. Anthony’s hand wrapped around your finger and brought you out of your daydream. He held up his bowl to show you he was done and you smiled, taking the bowl from him and helping him get down from the chair. He stood beside you as you washed the dish and put it away, waiting patiently. Today you were keeping him home from school and taking him out for a day together. You had a couple errands to run and then you were going to take him out for a movie and lunch.

You knew how important education was and you never wanted him to think that he could just blow off school whenever he wanted so every month if he acted right in preschool you’d let him stay home and you’d spend the day together. You prided yourself in being a loving and still guiding parent. You knew there was going to come a time when he would ask about why his daddy wasn’t around or why you had multiple pictures of an old ‘friend’ of yours named Juan in the house. For the moment though, you wanted him to enjoy being a kid and you didn’t want to have to face the guilt of knowing that whatever pain or anger he felt would be your fault. For now, you’d just enjoy the time with your baby boy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You looked away from the gas pump and over at your son, his face poking out of the back window. 

“What movie do you want to see baby? You can pick whatever you want.” 

“Kung Poo Panda.” 

“It’s Kung Fu Panda babe.” 

“Kung Poo Panda.”

“Ok.”

You laughed and looked back down at the pump in your hand. Always paying attention to your surroundings, you noticed the feeling of someone coming up behind you. Turning, you saw an older man with somewhat longer, graying hair and scars on his cheeks coming towards you. He smiled gently when you made eye intact and while he wasn’t being aggressive, you were suspicious of anyone coming up to your car, especially when you had your child with you.

You smiled politely as he came closer and faced him, placing your body in front of Anthony and his window just in case. The man smiled and took off his sunglasses, his eyes just as warm. 

“Sorry to bother you lass, I just had a question.” 

You nodded to tell him it was ok to ask. 

“Are you Y/N?” 

Your smile fell from your face and you tilted your head. 

“Who’s asking?” 

The man held his hands up to show he meant no harm.

“My name is Filip. Juice is a brother of mine,” 

You squinted at him, not knowing what he was talking about or how he knew Juice but when you looked him over and finally noticed the Sons of Anarchy patch on his cut, your eyes widening. You looked back up at him and he smiled gently at your expression.

“Yes. We’re in the MC together. He’s got pictures of you, he keeps them in his room and he has one in his wallet. That’s how I knew what you looked like. He talks about you. The boy loves you, very much.” 

You stood there with your mouth open and Chibs took it as a sign that you still loved Juice too, one of Juices fears that he’d confessed to him many a drunken night. Juice still loved you as much as the day you left him, maybe even more. Being without you was the hardest thing he’d ever had to deal with and all he wanted was to be able to have you back in his life.

“He wonders if you still love him or not. I can see that you do though. It’s none of my business why you left, that’s between the two of you, but he loves you and wants you to come back to him. I’m here for the next week with brothers from this charter, then I go back to Charming.” 

You nodded, mouth still slightly open as you tried to comprehend the fact that you two had coincidentally been getting gas at the same time and that Juice still loved you even after what you’d done to him. Chibs kept talking, sensing that you were slowly being flooded with nostalgia and your love for Juice once again. 

“You should come back with me to Charming. Back to him.”

The thought of that made your heart swell but you weren’t sure how you were supposed to go back when he had a child he didn’t know about. You were sure that any love he had for you still would be gone when he found out that you’d kept something like that from him. You were also still skeptical of this man. He didn’t give you any reason to doubt him and everything he’d said had been accurate but you still weren’t 100% sold.

"When did I leave? How did it happen?“

It was a question that you knew he wouldn’t have an answer to unless he really did know Juice and had been telling the truth this whole time. He had an aura about him that made you want to trust him and believe what he said but that wasn’t enough. What would be enough was if he answered the question correctly. If he did, you didn’t trust yourself to miss the opportunity to be with the love of your life again. The Scotsman looked you in your eyes and answered.

“You left while he was at work. You told him to pick up dinner and when he got home, you were gone. You made him blueberry pancakes that morning for breakfast.”

Just the description of how you left was enough to prove that he was who he said he was but the mention of the pancakes brought tears to your eyes. For Juice to mention such a simple and irrelevant detail, that meant he’d poured his heart out to this man and you knew how rare it was for him to open up to anyone other than you. Your betrayal had caused him to remember every single detail of that day and your heart broke at the thought of the pain you must’ve put him through.

Chibs could see the change in your posture as your shoulders slumped and your eyes watered. He slowly walked closer to you, closing the large gap he’d left so as to not come across as pushy. He placed a hand on your shoulder and you looked down as a tear slipped down your cheek. 

“It’s alright love. He’s not mad. He’s upset sure, but he loves you. He wants you back.” 

You looked up at him and saw nothing but sincerity in his eyes. As he looked at you though, his eyes caught movement in the backseat. He looked down and the second his eyes landed on the child, he knew he belonged to Juice.

In that moment, he understood why you’d left and why you’d stayed away. He then also understood your hesitance and fear to go back with him to Juice. You saw him looking and laughed tearfully. 

“Yeah. I guess that complicates things.” 

He chuckled himself then sighed deeply. 

“Aye. A bit.” 

You nodded and looked over at your son, his wide and innocent eyes on the two of you. As you looked into the same chocolate brown eyes of the man you loved, you knew you couldn’t let this chance slip through your fingers. Looking back at Chibs, you nodded and chewed your lip.

“When are you leaving?”


	4. Chapter 4

“How do you know he still loves me? He probably doesn’t ever want to see me again.” 

Chibs took a sip of the coffee you’d served him, swallowing before putting the mug down on the counter and looking up at you. 

“He talks about you constantly lass. If he sees a dog you would’ve liked, he’ll tell us. If he sees an order on a menu that you liked to eat, he’ll point it out. He thinks about you all the time. I know the boy well. He loves you.”

You nodded and looked down at your feet as you leaned against the counter, Chibs eyes on you still. You’d spoken to him for a little while the day when he’d approached you at the gas station. He’d given you his number before he’d left and you’d met up for lunch the next day, speaking more and getting to know each other a bit. Even though he’d backed up everything he said and had proof, you were still hesitant to follow a stranger on a road trip to another state. In the restaurant, Chibs had called Juice in front of you and you’d had to cover your mouth to hide the sound of your sob when you’d heard his voice. Chibs had hung up quickly and moved to your side of the booth to comfort you, and Anthony too when he’d gotten scared seeing you cry.

Needless to say, you’d had full faith in him after that and had agreed to go back to Charming with him. You’d met up for lunch twice after that and now you both were in your kitchen, drinking coffee and working out the final plans. You weren’t moving back of course but you were going to drive back with Chibs and his brothers and stay in a hotel outside of Charming. Chibs had assured you that Juice would want you and the baby to stay with him but you wanted to play it safe and not go too fast. You still had this nagging feeling that he hated you and would be furious to see you back. Plus you didn’t want to ruin anything that he had going on.

“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?” 

Chibs looked at you and held his hand out, motioning you to come sit with him. You walked over and sat at the table across from him, his hand reaching forward to grasp yours. 

“Listen to me. He doesn’t have a girl. We have girls that are around for the members…” 

He looked to you and you nodded, understanding where the conversation was going. 

“He doesn’t have anyone but the club. He doesn’t have any friends out of the club. He doesn’t have family out of the club. The club is all he has, and he’s ok with that but I know he’d want you back. He’d want to have you with him again, want a family. And he’d want his blood with him.”

Chibs nodded over to Anthony’s room and you looked down. You felt Chibs squeeze your hand and you looked back up at him. 

“It was wrong to keep his child from him. You know that yeah?” 

You nodded guiltily. 

“You know he deserves to know his boy and Anthony deserves to know his father?” 

You nodded again and glanced over to where your beautiful son was sleeping. 

“You deserve to have your family together again and Juice deserves to know why you left him alone. You both deserve closure.”

He squeezed your hand once more and you laughed lightly. 

“I see why he trusts you so much.” 

Chibs laughed with you and leaned back in his chair, finishing off the last of his coffee. 

“And I can see why he loves you so much.” 

You opened your mouth to thank him but were interrupted by the sound of your son's small voice. You both looked over at the hallway and saw him standing there in his footie pajamas rubbing his eyes, his stuffed bunny hanging from his hand. 

“Mommy…”

You patted your lap and he waddled over to you, smiling gently at Chibs as he made his way over, used to seeing him now. The older man returned the smile and waved at the child before glancing at the clock above the stove and standing up. He stretched and grabbed his mug. 

“It’s getting late. I’ll be on my way now. You two get some rest. I’ll be back in the morning and we can get on the road.” 

You nodded and he walked over to place his mug into the sink and began to wash it for you.

You stood yourself, your son clinging onto you. 

“I can get that.” 

Chibs shook his head and continued to wash the cup, drying it and putting it back in the cabinet before turning to face you. He walked forward and placed a hand on Anthony’s back as you held him. 

“Are you going to tell him? Tell him who he’s going to meet?” 

You bit your lip as you looked down at your son, that thought not having crossed your mind yet. Chibs could feel the anxiety pouring off of you and waved his hand. 

“You can figure it out later. One step at a time.”

He leaned forward and kissed your cheek, patting the top of your head. 

“I’ll be here at 9. Get to bed.”

You smiled at the fact that he’d already taken on a fatherly role and said your goodbyes, locking the door behind him. You shut everything off in the living room and made your way to your bedroom, Anthony grumbling as you laid him down in your bed. After kicking your shoes off, you climbed in bed with him, your arms wrapping around him after you wrapped yourself and him up in the blanket. He cuddled into your chest and you smiled, closing your eyes and trying to get some sleep before the big day tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

“Where are we going mommy?”

You smiled at Anthony through the rear view mirror. 

“To California. We’re gonna go on a little vacation.” 

“Can we go to the beach?” 

“We sure can babyboy.” 

He smiled brightly from the backseat and looked out the window, waving. You looked over as well and saw the man who you’d come to know as Tig, waving at Anthony and making funny faces. They’d all been extremely nice to you and that had soothed your anxiety just a bit. There was still the overwhelming nervousness that bubbled up whenever you thought about actually reuniting with Juice. He was the love of your life. He was your one and only, you’d only ever been with him. He meant everything to you and being without him for the past couple of years had been grueling. You missed him like crazy and while you were excited to finally see him again, you wondered how things would turn out. 

Chibs had assured you numerous times that Juice still loved you and he was confident that he would accept the both of you with open arms. He’d be upset of course, especially when he found out you’d kept yourself and his son away from him but Chibs firmly believed that you’d become a family again and you hoped to God he was right. 

You kept driving until you saw Chibs motion over to a building and you pulled over, realizing that it was the hotel he had booked for you. You parked in the lot as Chibs and Tig pulled up and parked beside you. They walked over and Chibs opened up your door for you while Tig went to the back and pulled Anthony out of his car seat. You stepped out and stretched before leaning down to pick up your son, holding him on your hip and looking at Chibs while Tig went to the truck to get out your bags. 

“What time would you like to go to the clubhouse love? Or would you rather him come see you here?” 

You shrugged and looked around anxiously. 

“What do you think?” 

The older man stuck his hands into his pockets and shrugged. 

“Let’s go in and get you settled in your room, we can talk up there.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“It’s up to you sweetheart. Here will be more private. It would be a good start for you to have some privacy.” 

You nodded, agreeing. 

“Yeah. That makes sense.” 

He nodded as well before pointing at Anthony who was sitting in the bed coloring in his book. 

“Only thing with him coming here is that you’re going to have to introduce them right away.” 

You looked and him and blinked, not having thought about that part yet. You’d wanted to just go see him, work out everything and then, later on, add Anthony to the mix but truth was, it was better to just include him from the beginning. Juice deserved to meet him as soon as possible and spend time with him if he wanted to that was. You were almost positive that he’d immediately accept Ant and want him around. You were another story. You still doubted that he’d want to deal with you after what you’d done.

“You’re right. Just bring him here. Better to just get everything over with.” 

Chibs smiled softly at you, proud that you were taking that step. You smiled back, but the fear and apprehension was clear on your face. He stood up and walked over towards you, pulling you into a hug. 

“It’ll be alright love. You’ll be ok.” 

You nodded and smiled into his chest, Chibs pulling away after a few seconds. 

“I gotta let go now, kids giving me the eyes again.” 

You laughed and looked over at Anthony who, sure enough, was side eyeing Chibs the same way he did every time he hugged you. He wasn’t used to having anyone else around really, much less a man. He was used to being the only one giving you affection and like Juice, he didn’t like seeing anyone else do it. 

You and Chibs both looked back over at each other and he clasped his hands together. 

“Well, I’m gonna get going. I’ll hold off a little, let you finish getting settled in and then I’ll tell him. Once I do, I’m sure the boy will be speeding off over here.” 

The two of you shared a laugh and you nodded. 

“Ok. I’ll give Ant a bath and order dinner.” 

“Aye. Good idea.” 

With that, you said your goodbyes and Chibs left, you going to the bed and sitting down beside Anthony. 

“Hey baby. It’s time to take a bath.” 

He nodded and set down his crayon, moving over to crawl in your lap and wrap his arms around your neck. You stood with him and walked over to the bathroom, turning on the light and setting him down before starting to run the water. As the tub filled up, you began to remove Anthony’s shirt and smiled at him. 

“You remember how I always told you stories about your daddy? How he was really nice and looked just like you?” 

He nodded and returned the smile. 

“Uh huh. And his name is Juan and he likes computers.” 

“Yep. Well we’re gonna meet him.” 

His head snapped up and he looked at you with wide eyes. 

“We are? I’m gonna meet my daddy?” 

Tears filled your eyes and you stood up, not wanting him to see. Guilt flooded your entire being and in that moment you hated yourself more than you ever had before. The happiness in his voice, the hope, all just to meet his father. His excitement sounded like the type you’d hear when a child spoke about going to Disney Land or getting a new toy while all he wanted to do was meet the man that made him. The man you’d kept him from. The fact that you’d deprived him of that killed you and you struggled to hold back your tears. 

“Yes baby, you’re gonna meet your daddy. He’s coming here tonight. That’s why we’re here. To meet daddy.” 

Your son smiled wider than you had ever seen and he clapped his hands together rapidly, jumping up and down with squeals. You laughed tearfully and kneeled back down, taking the rest of his clothes off and placing him into the warm water. 

“You’re excited?” 

“Uh huh!” 

“Good. He’s going to come over to have dinner with us so you’ll get to meet him tonight baby.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Juicy boy, come here.” 

Juice looked up from his laptop and smiled as he saw Chibs standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He motioned for him to follow and walked in, Juice coming in behind him. 

“What’s up? How was the run?” 

Chibs rubbed the bridge of his nose and then crossed his arms over his chest. 

“It was fine. That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about though.” 

Juice nodded and leaned back against the counter. 

“While we were in Oregon…I met someone.”

Juice grinned and patted his brother's shoulder. 

“New croweater or what? What was her name?” 

“Y/N.” Juice laughed but then stopped when Chibs didn’t. 

“Your Y/N. I found her.” 

Juice’s smile fell and suddenly he was stumbling over his words, too many questions leaving his mouth.

“My Y/N? Where? In Oregon? Is she ok? What happened? Did you talk to her?” 

Chibs laughed and held his hands up, silencing him. 

“Easy, easy. Calm down.” 

“Tell me where she is. I have to see her.” 

"Juice. Quiet boy. Listen to me.” 

He placed his hands on the side of Juice’s head and made him focus.

“I bumped into her in Oregon. I recognized her from the pictures and I approached her. We started talking and I got her to come back down with us. I put her up in a hotel outside of town. She’s-” 

Juice tried to pull away, knowing which hotel Chibs was talking about but he held him still. 

“It’s complicated Juicy. There’s a lot the two of you need to talk about. I told her I would have you meet her there. She’s sorry, about everything. Go easy on her, aye?” 

Juice nodded and swallowed thickly, his heart beating through his chest and his mind going a thousand miles an hour. He never thought he’d see you again and now that he knew he could, he felt like he was wasting time. Like if he took too long you’d leave again and then he’d really never get you back. Chibs stayed looking at him for a second before letting go and pushing him gently. 

“She’s in room 175.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How’s the pizza baby?” 

“Good.” 

You smiled and leaned over to kiss Ant’s head as a heavy knock rang out. Your eyes widened and you looked over at the door, completely frozen. Anthony, on the other hand, was not and he gasped loudly, jumping off of the couch. 

“Is that him?!” 

You gulped and grabbed him under the arms, putting him back on the couch before standing.

“Wait here.” 

He nodded and you walked over to the door, looking through the peephole and feeling your heart stop. 

There he was. He has his head shaved and tattooed and his face was a little slimmer than you remembered, a bit more chilled, but there he was standing right outside of the door. You could feel his anxiety radiating and it matched yours. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and tried to relax before grabbing onto the lock and undoing it, turning the handle. You pulled the door open and for a moment it felt like time stopped. You both looked at each other, wide-eyed and nervous but neither of you moved. He stayed with his feet planted outside of the door and you stayed with yours inside, swallowing thickly. Finally, you gave a weak smile and tried to break the ice.

“Hey Juan.” 

Just like that, he rushed into the room and grabbed you by the cheeks, crushing his mouth against yours. He didn’t know if you had a boyfriend or if you even still loved him but in that moment, he had the one thing he had been needing and longing for years and he wasn’t about to miss the opportunity. His lips moved quickly, almost harshly. The kiss was clumsy and sloppy but it was everything you’d been missing and you smiled tearfully into it, wrapping your arms around his middle. He smiled himself and pulled away for air, breathlessly looking over your face as if he didn’t believe you were really there. Like he thought you’d disappear. 

“Baby…baby…” 

You laughed at his awe and repetition and wiped a tear away from your lashes. 

“Hi baby.”

He smiled again and you patted his sides, pulling away and walking back into the hotel room. At least the first part was over. He didn’t seem angry or resentful and you were thankful for that. He still had to meet Ant though and that was the part you were most worried about. He walked in behind you and you could see him struggling for words, not knowing what to say but not wanting to take his eyes off you. As soon as you closed the door, his hands were back on you, grasping your hip and wanting to feel you there. You smiled again and looked behind him at Anthony who was standing over by the couch, staring at Juice’s back in awe. You motioned for him to come over and Juice followed your eyes, turning and seeing the shy toddler shuffling towards him in his footie pajamas. As soon as he saw him, it was like looking into a mirror. Same face shape, same brown eyes, same ears. Everything. With wide eyes, he looked over at you and you nodded, Anthony coming over and grabbing onto his legs. He hugged him tightly before he looked up at Juice with a wide smile.

“Hi daddy!”


	6. Chapter 6

Juice stared down at the little boy with his arms wrapped around his legs, a look of pure shock and yet awe on his face. His head snapped towards you and he opened and closed his mouth numerous times, scrounging around for words. But there were none. He didn’t have to ask if he was the father. It was as if someone had taken a picture of Juice as a child himself and just brought his younger self to the future, the child a clear spitting image of him. Your eyes were still teary, your heart in your throat as you looked at Juice, pure guilt and fear radiating off of you. Not fear or him, you knew he’d never ever hurt you, but fear of his reaction. Fear of his anger, of his feelings of betrayal. Fear that maybe he wouldn’t want anything to do with you, or Anthony. Your mind was running a mile a minute, emotions tumbling over themselves as you watched. 

He looked away from you and then looked back down at his son, staring at him for a couple seconds before kneeling down in front of him. 

"Hey buddy. What's your name?“ 

"Anthony. You’re Juan. You’re my daddy.”

Juice stayed looking at him, his eyes locked on his, a bashful yet excited smile on Anthony’s face.

"That’s right.“ 

Juice reached out slowly and ever so gently touched his son’s face, smoothing a hand over his hair almost like he didn’t belive he was real. Anthony smiled at the contact and reached out himself, running his own hand along Juice’s face. They both smiled and laughed and you did too, a swell in your heart. Juice pulled away and then stood, patting Anthony on the head. 

"Why don’t you go watch TV. Me and mommy need to talk." 

The boy pouted but nodded nevertheless, obedient as always.

"Ok. We watch Spongebob later?”

Juice nodded, a smile coming to his face. 

"Yes we will.“

"Promise?" 

"I promise." 

Anthony stuck his pinky out and Juice smiled, slipping his pinky around his sons much smaller one. They made the promise and Ant skipped off towards the couch, claiming up and settling into the cushions to finish watching Little Einsteins. Juice turned around to look at you and you motioned to the bar stools on the other side of the hotel room countertop.

"I’m gonna make some coffee…" 

You weren’t sure why you said it. Maybe as a peace offering. Maybe as a way to get him to stay longer. Regardless, he nodded but didn’t sit. You turned around and began to put the code into the pot, pouring in the water. You could feel him getting closer to you and before long, his hand was pressed gently against your back. You looked back over at him and he simply shook his head, watching you start the coffee.

"I just…I just wanted to feel you." 

You nodded and made no attempt to get him to stop. It was actually the most welcoming feeling you could remember. You turned around and faced him, his hand staying in you and sliding across your tummy. He kept his hand there and rubbed it gently with a smile. 

"I can’t believe you had my baby.”

"You can see him whenever you want.“ 

He nodded and stayed quiet after that. You saw it as an opportunity to explain. 

"I found out I was pregnant after we moved to Charming. I was planning to tell you. The night you came home to tell me about the club actually. We didn’t really have a lot of money and we had just moved there. You were so excited about the club. So excited about having a bunch of friends in a new place and having a big family and I couldn’t take that away from you. I knew if I’d I told you that I was pregnant you wouldn’t have joined. I couldn’t do that to you. I should’ve thought it through more. Told you so we could talk about it. I should’ve given you a choice. I know. I should’ve never taken off and robbed you if that time with your son but I was scared. We’d moved across the country and everything was so different. I just didn’t want to take away the happiness that you had about being offered to join the club. I couldn’t." 

By the time you had finished talking, your eyes were filled to the brim with tears and Juice looked as if he was holding back some of his own. He said nothing though, simply pulling you in towards him and holding you to his chest. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, clinging onto him and he gripped the back of your head. It felt unbelievable to be back in his arms, in his presence. 

"I missed you so much Juan." 

"I missed you too baby." 

He pulled away from you but kept your head in his hand, pulling you to look at him.

"Can we be together again? I want to be there for both of you. I don’t care about what happened in the past. I just want to have a future with you and my kid. Be a family. Would you be ok with that?”

You nodded softly at first, gradually becoming more adamant. 

"That’s all I want.“ 

His face broke out into a grin and he pulled you back into him, hugging you tightly then separating as the coffee pot beeped. You both pulled away from each other slightly before sharing a kiss. It was soft, gentle, and chaste but it was a kiss from the man you loved and it brought a peace over you. With one last kiss to his chin, you turned around and began to pour the coffee into the cups. 

Taking yours and handing Juice his, you both walked over to the couch, sitting on opposite sides of Anthony. You snuggled into his side and let him do his nightly routine of holding your hand, while Juice kept a little bit of distance, not knowing how he would react having him so close. Anthony looked over at him though and held his hand out for Juice to take. With a small smile, Juice placed his hand into his sons, the boys smile wider than you’d ever seen it having both of his patents hands in his for the first time to watch SpongeBob. You didn’t know exactly what your future was, or how it was gonna play out, but it included your baby and now your man. And that was all you needed.


End file.
